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Singlehood V: Miss Detective on a Mission

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I haven’t written a column for a long time because my laptop did an update and erased all the Notes I had, meaning everything I had prepared for my blog. Thank you very much, MacBook! I was so pissed that I didn’t open Notes for a long time, and here I am. Now, I have decided that I wouldn’t update the column weekly because I don’t have enough ‘stories’ to keep on rambling about, on my Singlehood, so I will upload one each month.

Anyway, last time I was talking about Mr. Stalker, whom I have talked to for the first time at the treadmill at my local gym. I didn’t realize he didn’t speak Dutch and his English was basic.

By that time, I had updated all my class maids about him, and a couple of friends. I told this story about the treadmill to a friend of mine, and if you don’t remember the story, here it is: I was running on the treadmill when I saw him walking by the gym. He came in, I was on the cool down mode and no other treadmill was free at that point. He saw me slowing down and came up to me and asked: « Finished? » I nod that I was finished and gave him the treadmill. At that point, I did not realize he didn’t speak Dutch and that his English was pretty basic.

This friend started laughing and told me it could come on handy to know the verb « finish » in other situations. I thought this was pretty hilarious. I like dirty jokes because I have a dirty mind. From that moment on I started to call him Mr. Finished, because that is just plain hilarious! 😉

Mr. Finished kept on eye-stalking me for months, and I kept being shy in his presence. No idea why, though. I don’t look him in the eye, I make sure I’m not too close to him at the gym. Somewhere, I’m scared he starts talking to me while I may not understand him and that is awkward.

But I was still curious to know where he was from. He does not speak Dutch, means he hasn’t been living in Belgium for a very long time. From the English I have heard from him, it’s pretty basic. The only language I know he speaks fluently is Arabic, but he has a weird accent, though. I’m not an expert on Middle Eastern Arabic, but it didn’t sound familiar to me. So, I’m such a curious person (my nickname is Detective), I decided to ask in a Facebook Group called Polyglots, what kind of Arabic it could be. Some gave me ideas but they couldn’t help me with the few information I had.

By that time, Ramadan was on, and I saw him eating and drinking in public. It kind of shocked me, as I expected him to be Muslim. Well, he could be a non-religious Muslim but as he probably just emigrated, most of these people are still pretty religious so I crossed that off my list. That made me think, again. With this whole situation in the Middle East, he could be a refugee (or ex-refugee probably) and where do non-Muslim refugees, from the Middle East come from these days? Iraq and Syria. My conclusion was: He must be a Yezidi. I started looking up information about the Yezidi people and indeed they are not Muslim (that is why they are persecuted) and some of them do speak Arabic at home, but they may have a different dialect from other standard-ish Iraqi Arabic.

That explained a lot about my thoughts, and I was pretty proud of myself that I had accomplished this whole mystery by myself. Well, I’m still not sure if he’s a Yezidi but he is got a friend at the gym who walks in a tank top and has a tattoo saying Yezidi on his arm so how obvious can it be? They’re always together, speak the same language, so I’m pretty sure this is the answer to my question. And that, made me curious even more…

Each month I am going to tell you a piece of my singlehood story and my last relationship, that will lead us to where I am today. If you are interested in knowing more, stay tuned on my blog, because I will be posting an article each week to tell you more about it. I will not divulge any real names in it, if one day I use a name, I will make sure to change the name to another one, except if that person is okay with being named. 

Until Next Time, 

Love | Sarah K.


Singlehood, Part III: Lawyered!

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Last time in Singlehood, Part II: I’m over Mister Small Penis:

By that time, I had gained ten kilograms since the relationship started, to April 2014. I did realize I was fat but somehow didn’t want to do anything about it. Dating people was not in my vocabulary. A friend told me about Tinder and I made an account, that wasn’t the best experience to be honest. I had a lot of matches, but all were more into sex and not into dating, the ones who were into dating were straight dumb assholes. This app made me insecure even more. I had gained a lot of weight and wasn’t going to show my naked self to any man on planet earth as long as I was looking like I did. College had gone worst, I had failed almost all my classes and couldn’t pass for them all in the resit period. I didn’t gain the required 50% and wasn’t allowed to study at this university anymore and didn’t see that coming. I had to make a choice ASAP and quickly decided I should go for a language teacher’s program. I came home crying after a week in that college, quit, and started Applied Linguistics all over again, in another university. By October 2014, still single. 

I couldn’t find my marks in here, I wasn’t friends with anyone, still thinking about last year where everything was great friendship wise. October went by, the first year anniversary of my sister’s death. I couldn’t believe it had been a year already. Update on my #YOLO project? Stil not very far, to be honest. I wasn’t in the mood either to yoloing the *ish out of everything. I felt like nothing. But at least, I wasn’t lying to my boyfriend about university, like Mister Small Penis did. About that story, Mister Small Penis told me he was in law school in Rotterdam when we met. At first, as I didn’t know Mister Small Penis, I believed him. You know, giving people the benefit of the doubt, right? After knowing him a bit, I quickly realized that him being in Law School is extremely ambitious. He was a slow minded person. He did speak his first language on a mother tongue level (I guess??) but, his English and Dutch were rotten and the rest of his polygotness, inexistent. He then told me his mom paid 8000 euros for his entire BA at Erasmus University while this is not how tuition goes in Holland. You pay year by year as you do not know if you can actually pass a year in college as you have to gain all credits back in order to pass to BA 2, fully. And back then tuition fee for a year in a Dutch College was around €1700,00 x 3 years in Law School = €5100,00. He also told me that he got a train abonnement from Antwerp to Rotterdam from the university, which after a little research, doesn’t exist. And when I confronted him with all these facts, he didn’t know what to say, as ‘Mommy did all the paperwork for him’. So, who are you trying to impress here, really? No one, indeed. Then, at the end of his so-called First BA in Law School, I asked him if he had any retakes to do (which you expect from a guy who isn’t that clever, I could even say, plain stupid.) and the answer was NO. He also had plenty of time to wake up around 10 during the finals, could study 3 to 4 hours a day and go to the gym at night like it’s all a piece of cake. Oh, oh! And he called me a couple of times during the academic year, telling me he was in class (in Holland, obviously) and hung on the phone for an hour, while I told him he shouldn’t call me as it is very expensive but he’d always tell me ‘Don’t worry, don’t worry, my mom pays the bill’ and as it an international phone call, I’d expect to pay half way through the conversation, but I never had to. And my true detective-self would found this to be strange and check his ‘flag’ on BBM that would tell me if he was in Holland yes or no and as I guessed, never of these times he would suppose to be in Holland, the Dutch flag would come up. NEVER.  


So Mister Small Penis not only had a small penis, he was a filthy lying prick too. Oh, oh! I was Googling ‘Mister Small Penis’ to see if this term was already in use (but it wasn’t) and I found a picture of sizes of penises and conclusion: we should call him Mister Extra Small Penis, as a ‘small penis’ was bigger than his, but we’re not going to do that, as I like Mister Small Penis as a name. In my case a name, in his case a Lifestyle and fact. For some reason, I’d like to prank him at the moment. Just because I feel like I should give Karma a push in the back. I once told him that one day Karma would take him back and I’d be watching him on the front row, but that day hasn’t come yet, and I’m really in doubt about if that day will ever come. 

Karma did somehow hit him after the breakup. A little before the breakup, the gym we went to was going to swap from being a HealthCity (an all inclusive gym) to Basic-Fit (a basic no facilities gym). He obviously wasn’t going to workout in a basic gym, so he was going to switch to HealthCity in Berchem. I would too, as it was the closest to where the other gym was and I fully used the sauna, tanning bed, and other facilities. At that time, we were still together but he started weird conversations about the gym, quite often. Saying it wasn’t a good idea going to that gym in Berchem because all his friends were there, he couldn’t give me any attention, etc. Pure Bull crap, I ruminated about for days. Literally, a day before the final day our gym was a HealthCity, he broke up with me! Don’t you think it’s weird? I did! That’s why he didn’t convince me to swap to another HealthCity in the city. Starting from November 2012, I went to HealthCity Berchem, and he was there too. He’d see me every single day and he’d look down to the ground, as of he was ashamed. He’d better look down, that son of a *****! He somehow became my motivation to go to the gym, this way I’d stay thin. I got quickly over that gym, left it as it was far from where I live and moved to HealthCity Keyserlei, in the city. 

2014 went by and somehow wanted to make friends in my class, and so I did. I became friends with Zoë and Ines. By that time in 2015, I was still very much single. I wanted to retire from the department of Singlehood, but things started to change a bit in that department. 

Each week I am going to tell you a piece of my singlehood story and last relationship, that will lead us to where I am today. If you are interested in knowing more, stay tuned on my blog because I will be posting an article each week to tell you more about it. I will not divulge any real names in it, if one day I use a name, I will make sure to change the name to another one, except if that person is okay with being named. Obviously, I am not sharing any specific details about my ex or any involved men. We’ll call him Mister Small Penis.

Until Next Time, 

Love | Sarah K.

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Why is it so hard to lose weight?

I have been on a diet my entire life! Yes, it is true, I have been on a diet since I was a little chubby girl. According to my mother, I have been chubby since I was 18 months old. And since I can remember, I have visited dietitians since I was 6 or 7 years old.
When I turn 12 and puberty started to show, being on a diet finally payed off. I lost some weight and looked (what I thought was) skinny. I actually was not, according to medicine. I was 1m68 and 67 kg for the age of 12/13. But I looked good, my face was even too boney to my taste, but I was wearing EU size 38 in pants and it felt GREAT!
Since I was 12 I had gained, lost, gained again, lost again en gained AGAIN! I have never been more than a year without fully NOT complaining about my weight. At the age of 18, I had reached the point where I was at my heaviest. I was depressed, decided to switch schools, had a new job, and my sister had just subscribed to a gym and this was my chance because daddy wanted to pay for the subscription fee.
I enrolled, got some personal training for free with my subscription and was determined to lose the weight at any cost. At first it was hard. I was never the sporty type, and suddenly I had to visit the gym 5 times a week. After a couple of weeks, it became my DRUG! 5 to 6 times a week, I was a regular at my gym! Made friends, knew every single person who worked there, I was even closing the gym (almost) every single night. After 4 months of heavy fitness training, clean eating, I had lost 13 kg and a depression. My self-esteem got a boost and I was ready to flirt with the dating scene.
I started dating and suddenly did not care about my eating habits anymore. Why is that? Why do girls always lose interest in health once they are off the hook? I regretted. By beginning of 2015, 4 years after I had lost 13 kilograms, I had gained the 13 kilos + 5 extra kilos. I felt like the biggest loser in the world! I, again, decided it was time to change that.
My mother swears by a book she bought 20 to 30 years ago, who made her loose weight when she needed to. This book promises you to loose 8 kilograms by eating clean for 21 days and having a break for a week. To encourage me, my mother joined me and we ate clean for 19 days. I had lost 5 kilograms, I was bloody happy, did not need any sweets anymore, I felt great! Till the day I decided I could handle a little treat. Started from that day, it all went wrong. Long story short, I discovered the Military Diet, did lose weight, gained it mostly back after eating “normal” again. Did it 2 to 3 times to speed up the process of “looking good for Pal Mundo Festival”, the event I had planned during Spring Break a month ago. 
We are a month later and I have eaten sh*t the entire time! Why is it so hard to lose weight, and keep track? the only thing I have kept is the gym, I have been going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week religiously. Now, I am writing this blog post, while eating chips (yes ma’am, it is the truth!), because I have decided, once more that it is enough! In the first place, I wanted to lose some weight these last months because I had that Festival I had to go to during Spring Break and I wanted to look good in my dress. I had lost these 5 kilograms by the time of the Festival (Pal Mundo in Ahoy Rotterdam, by the way), and I did look good in my dress. By that time I had no restrictions for myself anymore and I kept eating unhealthy things. Now, I don’t have any particular events coming up, I will not go on vacation this year, I have plenty of work and sh*t to finish for school that I will be dragging till at least August 2015. Results? I want to lose weight for MYSELF, take the time to lose it because I want to look good for myself FOREVER, not for a particular event that is coming up. 
While I finish up my bag of chips, read my words: from tomorrow May 4th 2015 I will be eating healthy, keep a “diet” of 1300 kcal per day, I will keep track on MyFitnessPal as I did before, I will drink at least 2 liters of water per day and go to the gym between 3 to 5 times a week.
Until Next Time,
Love | Sarah K.
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