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Singlehood, Part III: Lawyered!

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Last time in Singlehood, Part II: I’m over Mister Small Penis:

By that time, I had gained ten kilograms since the relationship started, to April 2014. I did realize I was fat but somehow didn’t want to do anything about it. Dating people was not in my vocabulary. A friend told me about Tinder and I made an account, that wasn’t the best experience to be honest. I had a lot of matches, but all were more into sex and not into dating, the ones who were into dating were straight dumb assholes. This app made me insecure even more. I had gained a lot of weight and wasn’t going to show my naked self to any man on planet earth as long as I was looking like I did. College had gone worst, I had failed almost all my classes and couldn’t pass for them all in the resit period. I didn’t gain the required 50% and wasn’t allowed to study at this university anymore and didn’t see that coming. I had to make a choice ASAP and quickly decided I should go for a language teacher’s program. I came home crying after a week in that college, quit, and started Applied Linguistics all over again, in another university. By October 2014, still single. 

I couldn’t find my marks in here, I wasn’t friends with anyone, still thinking about last year where everything was great friendship wise. October went by, the first year anniversary of my sister’s death. I couldn’t believe it had been a year already. Update on my #YOLO project? Stil not very far, to be honest. I wasn’t in the mood either to yoloing the *ish out of everything. I felt like nothing. But at least, I wasn’t lying to my boyfriend about university, like Mister Small Penis did. About that story, Mister Small Penis told me he was in law school in Rotterdam when we met. At first, as I didn’t know Mister Small Penis, I believed him. You know, giving people the benefit of the doubt, right? After knowing him a bit, I quickly realized that him being in Law School is extremely ambitious. He was a slow minded person. He did speak his first language on a mother tongue level (I guess??) but, his English and Dutch were rotten and the rest of his polygotness, inexistent. He then told me his mom paid 8000 euros for his entire BA at Erasmus University while this is not how tuition goes in Holland. You pay year by year as you do not know if you can actually pass a year in college as you have to gain all credits back in order to pass to BA 2, fully. And back then tuition fee for a year in a Dutch College was around €1700,00 x 3 years in Law School = €5100,00. He also told me that he got a train abonnement from Antwerp to Rotterdam from the university, which after a little research, doesn’t exist. And when I confronted him with all these facts, he didn’t know what to say, as ‘Mommy did all the paperwork for him’. So, who are you trying to impress here, really? No one, indeed. Then, at the end of his so-called First BA in Law School, I asked him if he had any retakes to do (which you expect from a guy who isn’t that clever, I could even say, plain stupid.) and the answer was NO. He also had plenty of time to wake up around 10 during the finals, could study 3 to 4 hours a day and go to the gym at night like it’s all a piece of cake. Oh, oh! And he called me a couple of times during the academic year, telling me he was in class (in Holland, obviously) and hung on the phone for an hour, while I told him he shouldn’t call me as it is very expensive but he’d always tell me ‘Don’t worry, don’t worry, my mom pays the bill’ and as it an international phone call, I’d expect to pay half way through the conversation, but I never had to. And my true detective-self would found this to be strange and check his ‘flag’ on BBM that would tell me if he was in Holland yes or no and as I guessed, never of these times he would suppose to be in Holland, the Dutch flag would come up. NEVER.  

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So Mister Small Penis not only had a small penis, he was a filthy lying prick too. Oh, oh! I was Googling ‘Mister Small Penis’ to see if this term was already in use (but it wasn’t) and I found a picture of sizes of penises and conclusion: we should call him Mister Extra Small Penis, as a ‘small penis’ was bigger than his, but we’re not going to do that, as I like Mister Small Penis as a name. In my case a name, in his case a Lifestyle and fact. For some reason, I’d like to prank him at the moment. Just because I feel like I should give Karma a push in the back. I once told him that one day Karma would take him back and I’d be watching him on the front row, but that day hasn’t come yet, and I’m really in doubt about if that day will ever come. 

Karma did somehow hit him after the breakup. A little before the breakup, the gym we went to was going to swap from being a HealthCity (an all inclusive gym) to Basic-Fit (a basic no facilities gym). He obviously wasn’t going to workout in a basic gym, so he was going to switch to HealthCity in Berchem. I would too, as it was the closest to where the other gym was and I fully used the sauna, tanning bed, and other facilities. At that time, we were still together but he started weird conversations about the gym, quite often. Saying it wasn’t a good idea going to that gym in Berchem because all his friends were there, he couldn’t give me any attention, etc. Pure Bull crap, I ruminated about for days. Literally, a day before the final day our gym was a HealthCity, he broke up with me! Don’t you think it’s weird? I did! That’s why he didn’t convince me to swap to another HealthCity in the city. Starting from November 2012, I went to HealthCity Berchem, and he was there too. He’d see me every single day and he’d look down to the ground, as of he was ashamed. He’d better look down, that son of a *****! He somehow became my motivation to go to the gym, this way I’d stay thin. I got quickly over that gym, left it as it was far from where I live and moved to HealthCity Keyserlei, in the city. 

2014 went by and somehow wanted to make friends in my class, and so I did. I became friends with Zoë and Ines. By that time in 2015, I was still very much single. I wanted to retire from the department of Singlehood, but things started to change a bit in that department. 

Each week I am going to tell you a piece of my singlehood story and last relationship, that will lead us to where I am today. If you are interested in knowing more, stay tuned on my blog because I will be posting an article each week to tell you more about it. I will not divulge any real names in it, if one day I use a name, I will make sure to change the name to another one, except if that person is okay with being named. Obviously, I am not sharing any specific details about my ex or any involved men. We’ll call him Mister Small Penis.

Until Next Time, 

Love | Sarah K.

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Singlehood, Part II: I’m over Mister Small Penis!

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Last week in Singlehood Part I: Damn it! It just got to me, he was one hell of an asshole and thinking about it made me realize why. I started cyberstalking him, to see what did chance in his life on social media, to see if he had someone else…

I’d gone through his BBM, WhatsApp, and Facebook. Suddenly, I see a girl post things on his wall, a little way too often, with ‘love’ emojis. Even though he stayed cool to all these messages, I knew this was just his way of hiding it. It got in my face like: That small-penised bastard had someone else! I don’t say he ‘cheated on me while we were together’ but to be with me he left his ‘booty call’ so why wouldn’t he leave me to be with this girl, right? I was fierce, I should have known that his leaving-his-bootycall-situation would turn out to be the same situation I’m in. I’m not going to lie, It got me down, but on the other hand, I kind of cyberstalked that girl and I quickly figured out that she has no future with him either. She isn’t religious, not from the same ethnic background and the background she is from, his mother hates the guts out of these people, #Racist. 

All the little things he said once just surfaced up to me. He once told me he was physically into these girls from ‘that ethnic background’. Now, the girl from ‘that ethnic background’ is suddenly pretty active on his Wall. She studies Law at the university, he told me he ‘studied’ law at the university (a lie I will talk about later). They are suddenly at the same parties ALL THE TIME. Come on, how much hints does a girl need to realize he was a sneaky bastard who used her? Oh and by the way, why do people who are overly active on social media with each other, are never on pictures together at these parties they are always at? Do you have something to hide, Mr. Small P.?

Sudden realization: he used me! I was just a past time baby till the next one arrived, but I’m sure she is just a past time baby too, till the next one arrives. It didn’t make me happy, but I thought: hey, I’m not the only one, so go on with your life, girl. That’s what I did. As I told you before, I went out, had too many drinks, great food and suddenly gained much weight. By the time I was completely done with him and wanted to meet new guys, I had gained so much weight that the insecureness got to me. I didn’t want to date any guy, any time soon. 

In the main time, I got my high school degree, went to college and that didn’t work out either. It became a whole mingle of things that gone wrong. I really felt like a piece of shit. I started college in January so I hadn’t had a full academic year. I fully started my first BA in October 2013, I met new people, made new friends and everything started to look like I was going to get a kick in the ass and everything would fall into place. There was a cute boy from abroad in my class and we got along (friendly speaking, bien sûr) but I quickly realized he had a girlfriend, #Bummer.  Okay, he has a girlfriend, so be it. He made me realize or made me make the click that I was 100% over Mister Small Penis. Unfortunately, my big sister died not so long ago, and not wanting to go into details, it didn’t better my situation. As she died very quickly, I decided that #YOLO was the way to go. I promised myself I would say yes to every invitation I got from friends. School was still a misery, I went out almost every single night, I belonged to a group of friends who were younger than I am and it fell good. I went to London with a couple of friends, had a blast all year round. But I forgot that I was single for one year and a half now. Did I care? I think I’ve got into the friend zone with… MYSELF! 

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By that time, I had gained ten kilograms since the relationship started, to April 2014. I did realize I was fat but somehow didn’t want to do anything about it. Dating people was not in my vocabulary. A friend told me about Tinder and I made an account, that wasn’t the best experience to be honest. I had a lot of matches but all were more into sex and not into dating, the ones who were into dating were straight dumbs assholes. This app made me insecure even more. I had gained a lot of weight and wasn’t going to show my naked self to any man on planet earth as long as I was looking like I did. College had gone worst, I had failed almost all my classes and couldn’t pass for them all in the resit period. I didn’t gain the required 50% and wasn’t allowed to study at this university anymore and didn’t see that coming. I had to make a choice ASAP and quickly decided I should go for a language teacher’s program. I came home crying after a week in that college, quit, and started Applied Linguistics all over again, in another university. By September 2014, still single. 

Each week I am going to tell you a piece of my singlehood story and last relationship, that will lead us to where I am today. If you are interested in knowing more, stay tuned on my blog because I will be posting an article each week to tell you more about it. I will not divulge any real names in it, if one day I use a name, I will make sure to change the name to another one, except if that person is okay with being named. Obviously, I am not sharing any specific details about my ex or any involved men. We’ll call him Mister Small Penis.

Until Next Time, 

Love | Sarah K.

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