I have been single for a little less than 3 years now, and I feel that I should write about it, because it may be time for me to change that. Before I tell you why I should change my relationship status, I should tell you about my last one:
Three years ago I was in a toxic relationship with someone I knew, it wouldn’t last forever. We did not share the same religious views (he was more religious than I am) and belongs to a family who looks down on people who are not from the same religious, ethnic and financial background than they are. Lucky him, we didn’t share anything in common on all three points, that was promising! He seemed sweet at first, and I myself didn’t have lots of boyfriends and found this to be the perfect opportunity to date him, even though, we were like ‘best friends’ at first and I knew by dating him, that the friendship would end at some point; I did it anyways. The only thing I gained out of this is the experience of having a 9-months-lasting-relationship, really, nothing else.
After a six months relationship, the last summer of the relationship (around this time, three years ago), I wasn’t a happy person. It made me realize what we had was toxic and I should end it, ASAP. I did not, because I did not know how. As I was an unhappy person, I made him feel miserable from time to time and one day he just broke up with me (Halloween 2012), BOOM: trick or treat! I thought that this was my opportunity, I was free and felt that I should make him feel as he was the bad guy in this story, ‘cause he really just was, at the end. Me, being a great actress, I showed him what I got; I made him feel as I was madly in love with him, while I was not. We had a talk, face to face, and even though, I have to admit it, I was sad and had a hard time speaking, a part of me was still acting. For instance, when we had that talk, we had it in the apartment of a friend, at the end we had nothing to say to each other and I decided to leave. As I knew he would follow 5 minutes later, I decided to stay in the elevator and pretend to cry in there, to make the bastard feel guilty. I know, it was evil, but he pretended to be sad too while this was all a joke to him. What a scumbag! I felt bad but still, I was convincing myself that he would regret it, wanted to start fresh and this could be the opportunity for me to break up with HIM! Yes, mam, I’ve got it all planned out! Unfortunately (or not), he was serious about the breakup and it finally got to me. He had someone else! I cried for a week, did not eat for 36 hours, lost 3 kilos and ended up depressed for six months.
During these six months, I cried over romantic songs I’m usually not emotional about; cried on the phone to a friend of mine about him ALL THE F-ING TIME; went out so much I gained so much weight that I ended up being disgusting. What I think broke me, was the fact that he broke up with me and not the other way around. I felt like I was the weak person who got broken up with. After six months, the crying ended, the depression: so-so. I was still depressed, but at least I did not cry over him anymore. Because, why would I? I was not even in love with him! He was definitely not my type; the sex was horrible; he literally had the smallest penis I had ever seen and the last six months of the relationship, he barely gave me any attention. Damn it! It just got to me, he was one hell of an asshole and thinking about it made me realize why. I started cyberstalking Mister Small Penis, to see what did chance in his life on social media to see if he had someone else…
Each week I am going to tell you a piece of my singlehood story and last relationship, that will lead us to where I am today. If you are interested in knowing more, stay tuned on my blog because I will be posting an article each week to tell you more about it. I will not divulge any real names in it, if one day I use a name, I will make sure to change the name to another one, except if that person is okay with being named. Obviously, I am not sharing any specific details about my ex or any involved men. We’ll call him Mister Small Penis.
Until Next Time,
Love | Sarah K.