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Why is it so hard to lose weight?

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I have been on a diet my entire life! Yes, it is true, I have been on a diet since I was a little chubby girl. According to my mother, I have been chubby since I was 18 months old. And since I can remember, I have visited dietitians since I was 6 or 7 years old.
 
When I turn 12 and puberty started to show, being on a diet finally payed off. I lost some weight and looked (what I thought was) skinny. I actually was not, according to medicine. I was 1m68 and 67 kg for the age of 12/13. But I looked good, my face was even too boney to my taste, but I was wearing EU size 38 in pants and it felt GREAT!
 
Since I was 12 I had gained, lost, gained again, lost again en gained AGAIN! I have never been more than a year without fully NOT complaining about my weight. At the age of 18, I had reached the point where I was at my heaviest. I was depressed, decided to switch schools, had a new job, and my sister had just subscribed to a gym and this was my chance because daddy wanted to pay for the subscription fee.
 
I enrolled, got some personal training for free with my subscription and was determined to lose the weight at any cost. At first it was hard. I was never the sporty type, and suddenly I had to visit the gym 5 times a week. After a couple of weeks, it became my DRUG! 5 to 6 times a week, I was a regular at my gym! Made friends, knew every single person who worked there, I was even closing the gym (almost) every single night. After 4 months of heavy fitness training, clean eating, I had lost 13 kg and a depression. My self-esteem got a boost and I was ready to flirt with the dating scene.
 
I started dating and suddenly did not care about my eating habits anymore. Why is that? Why do girls always lose interest in health once they are off the hook? I regretted. By beginning of 2015, 4 years after I had lost 13 kilograms, I had gained the 13 kilos + 5 extra kilos. I felt like the biggest loser in the world! I, again, decided it was time to change that.
 
My mother swears by a book she bought 20 to 30 years ago, who made her loose weight when she needed to. This book promises you to loose 8 kilograms by eating clean for 21 days and having a break for a week. To encourage me, my mother joined me and we ate clean for 19 days. I had lost 5 kilograms, I was bloody happy, did not need any sweets anymore, I felt great! Till the day I decided I could handle a little treat. Started from that day, it all went wrong. Long story short, I discovered the Military Diet, did lose weight, gained it mostly back after eating “normal” again. Did it 2 to 3 times to speed up the process of “looking good for Pal Mundo Festival”, the event I had planned during Spring Break a month ago. 
 
We are a month later and I have eaten sh*t the entire time! Why is it so hard to lose weight, and keep track? the only thing I have kept is the gym, I have been going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week religiously. Now, I am writing this blog post, while eating chips (yes ma’am, it is the truth!), because I have decided, once more that it is enough! In the first place, I wanted to lose some weight these last months because I had that Festival I had to go to during Spring Break and I wanted to look good in my dress. I had lost these 5 kilograms by the time of the Festival (Pal Mundo in Ahoy Rotterdam, by the way), and I did look good in my dress. By that time I had no restrictions for myself anymore and I kept eating unhealthy things. Now, I don’t have any particular events coming up, I will not go on vacation this year, I have plenty of work and sh*t to finish for school that I will be dragging till at least August 2015. Results? I want to lose weight for MYSELF, take the time to lose it because I want to look good for myself FOREVER, not for a particular event that is coming up. 
 
While I finish up my bag of chips, read my words: from tomorrow May 4th 2015 I will be eating healthy, keep a “diet” of 1300 kcal per day, I will keep track on MyFitnessPal as I did before, I will drink at least 2 liters of water per day and go to the gym between 3 to 5 times a week.
 
Until Next Time,
Love | Sarah K.
 

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